if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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