what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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