There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
