I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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