Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
