cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
