What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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