I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
