i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
