hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
