I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
