Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
worst night to have a conscience
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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