none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Randomize
