just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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