The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
