Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
