Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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