Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
