guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
50% drunk capacity currently
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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