I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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