You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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