Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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