there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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