White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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