Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
time to smoke my breakfast
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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