i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
