were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
