The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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