Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
