Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize