Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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