i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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