Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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