We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
