You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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