bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
