Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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