Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
