im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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