It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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