the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my liver is dry heaving
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
