the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Houston, we have a blender
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
