Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
