Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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