I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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