And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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