a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
