Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
