I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
