you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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