Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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