I think I died a long time ago.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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