Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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