RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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