From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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