just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize