I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize