I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
