Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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