You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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