youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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