Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
