1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
