I feel great
I just peed on a car
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
