Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize