let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
