Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wear drunk well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
