we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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