Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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