Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
