You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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