Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize