This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
