dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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