He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
