what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
