I think my vagina is haunted
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
