I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
